This week was my annual mammogram and ultrasound.
And I am so incredibly grateful to say….I am still cancer-free. 🎉
Those words. I don’t think they will ever get old.
You would think that after getting good results in the past, these appointments might become easier. And in some ways, they do.
But there is still something about walking back into that room, changing into the gown, going through the scans, and waiting for someone to tell you what they see that brings a certain little voice back into the conversation.
You know the one. “What if?”
If you had asked me before my appointment how I was doing, I probably would have said, “I’m fine!” And I would have meant it. Mostly. 😂
Because somewhere underneath the “I’m fine” is the awareness that once you have heard the word cancer attached to your own name, medical screenings can feel a little different.
There is gratitude that we have the technology. There is relief that someone is watching closely. And there is also that tiny thread of anxiety quietly running in the background.
So you breathe. You remind yourself not to borrow trouble. You tell yourself that worrying about something before you know there is something to worry about will not change the outcome.
And then…you wait.
The Mammogram That Changed Everything
One of the reasons I feel so strongly about breast cancer screening is because of how my own cancer was discovered.
I did not find a lump. My doctor did not feel anything during an exam before my scheduled scan. I did not have some dramatic symptom that told me something was wrong. There was nothing that made me think, ”Hmmm…maybe I should get this checked.”
My breast cancer was so small that it could not be felt. It was only seen on my mammogram.
Read that again and let it sink in for a second.
Because I think sometimes we imagine cancer announcing itself loudly. A lump. Pain. Something visibly changing. Some kind of flashing warning light from our body telling us, “Hey! Pay attention over here!”
But sometimes our bodies cannot tell us what is happening yet. Sometimes the technology sees something before we ever could.
And that was my story. My scheduled screening found something I could not have found myself.
That matters.
This Is Not About Fear
Whenever I talk about mammograms or cancer screenings, I want to be very clear about something.
I am not sharing this to scare anyone.
We already have enough things in life asking for space in the worry section of our brains. Good grief. We do not need another one. 😂
I also know that screening conversations can bring up a lot of different emotions.
Maybe you have had a cancer diagnosis yourself. Maybe someone you love has. Maybe you have been putting off your mammogram because you are nervous about what they might find. Maybe life has simply been busy, and taking care of yourself keeps getting moved farther and farther down the list.
I hear you.
Especially those of us who are very good at caring for everyone else. We schedule everyone else’s appointments. We remember medications. We drive people where they need to go. We keep track of birthdays, groceries, school schedules, aging parents, work deadlines, dogs, laundry, and approximately 4,782 other things.
And somehow our own appointments can become, “I’ll get to that.”
So this is not a fear message. It is a care message.
Consider This Your Loving Little Nudge
If your mammogram or another recommended health screening has been sitting on your to-do list, consider this your gentle reminder to make the appointment.
Not because something is necessarily wrong. But because checking in with our bodies is one of the ways we take care of ourselves.
Screening gave me information I did not yet have. And because my cancer was found when it was very small, I was able to address it early. That is something I will always be grateful for.
I cannot predict what anyone else’s screening will show. None of us can.
But I do know this: Avoiding the appointment does not give us more control. Information does. And sometimes that information is simply: “Everything looks good. See you next year.”
Which happens to be one of my favorite sentences these days.
Today, I Am Exhaling
So today, I am allowing myself to feel all of it. The relief. The gratitude. The memories. The tiny bit of emotional exhaustion that comes from pretending you were totally fine when, perhaps, you were only mostly fine. 😉
And mostly…I am thankful. Thankful for another year. Thankful for clear scans. Thankful for the people who cared for me when cancer entered my story. Thankful for the technology that found something my hands could not.
And thankful that today I get to say it again: “I am still cancer-free.”
If you have a screening sitting on your calendar — or one that should be — please take care of yourself, too. Make the appointment. Take someone with you if that makes it easier. Tell the technologist you are nervous. Ask the questions.
Breathe.
And remember that caring for yourself is not something you have to earn after everyone else is taken care of. You belong on your own care list, too.
Today, I am exhaling. Today, I am celebrating.
And today, I am feeling very, very thankful.
Still cancer-free.
Yep. Those words never get old. ❤️
🪞 Remember: sometimes caring for yourself looks as simple — and as important — as putting your own name on the calendar.
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